It seems like as soon as I figure out who my son is, there is a new layer to his personality, his behaviors, and his reactions. So of course, trying to use the same set of keys on a door that changed locks won't work. God has been teaching me to make a new set of keys with Him. Motherhood is for sure a journey of surrender and humility...constantly.

“My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.”

I pray that encourages you as much as it encouraged me! It's so comforting to know the One writing our story and that He sees the FULL picture! 

If you caught my Instagram stories last night (find me on @carenscorner) then you saw I was up WAY past my bed time due to lack of peace.  I could not sleep. You see something big had happened in the last coupe of days. I was invited to be a part of a pilot test group within our health and fitness company to test out our newest program with Shaun T (favorite trainer!) that is coming out in 2019. Getting into these test groups is NOT easy! I have been a coach for 3 years and this was the first time I was selected to be in the 100 test group participants out of 400,000 coaches. I had always wanted to be in one…to experience the program before anyone else, give my feedback, etc.
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While there was excitement, there was uneasiness. I couldn’t pin point why. I kept asking the Lord to clarify the decision. Yes? No? Nothing. I couldn’t hear Him. So I said, “Alright, I will take a step and I am asking that you would re-direct me if it’s not aligning with Your desire + plan for me.” So I sent the email, signed the contracts, and said yes. Cue my lack of peace and inability to sleep. I got up at 10:30pm and knew in my spirit that this was not the best choice (notice I didn’t say right or wrong…it wasn’t about right or wrong…it was about good and best).
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I know many coaches will look at this and say “you’re being a bit dramatic, it’s just 6 weeks, what’s the big deal?” I just knew this. To be in a test group means COMPLETE and nearly perfect participation. You have to in order to see the effectiveness of the program so I totally get that! But there were 3 key reasons why I knew this wasn’t the best for me:
1️⃣It wasn’t best for my family. Point blank…if I can’t easily bring my family into it, I won’t do it. Ever since we took the food freedom course in May, I have finally found a nutrition approach that I can do with my family without ever “pushing” anyone. It’s so simple, realistic, FREEING, with no food rules and you can enjoy treats without guilt. To enroll in a more strict diet for 6 weeks would compromise all of that and it wasn’t worth the risk. I would rather wait till the program launches and still do it full out WITH the principles of this nutrition course.
2️⃣Luca’s birthday is the 26th and mine is October 1st. I refuse to ever miss my kid’s birthday cake. Call me ridiculous. I don’t care. I want to be fully present in those moments without the pressure of “perfection.”
3️⃣Modesty. I know this is a hot topic and I am not here to argue. 1.5 years ago God convicted me of my lack of modesty and so ever since I made a commitment that I will never be in just a bra and shorts. Not in before / after photos…not in workout videos…etc. This would require me to submit them (again I totally get it for the company, just doesn’t align with my values).
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Why am I sharing all this with you? 2 reasons:
First, not every opportunity is going to be the BEST for you. Don’t just go along with something because everyone else is. Really seek the Lord to determine if it aligns with your priorities. For me it was my journey with Jesus and my family.
Second, If you are stuck trying to make a decision and you can’t hear God speak, take a step and let Him redirect if necessary. He will. Don’t overthink it.
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Will I be committing to this program when it launches in 2019? Of course! I honestly can’t wait. But I will be doing it HIS way and I pray you’ll be joining me then! Thank you for taking the time to hear my heart. I pray this encourages + challenges you too.

Jesus spoke to my heart and simply said “Talk with me while you run as if we are two friends going for a run and catching up on life.” He knew I had been struggling to get the words out for some time about how I’ve been feeling. But through running, I was somehow completely myself and totally unfiltered. I talked like a child…His child. Here is the heart of the conversation:

When it comes to my faith + fitness business, I set goals to impact lives every day. This month alone I have a goal to impact 20 homes in faith and health. I literally printed out a sheet with 20 empty circles that I pray over and fill in each household’s name as they commit to working with me. I am consistent, passionate, relentless, and disciplined when it comes to that mission. I take it seriously as my responsibility. But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of THE mission.

What if I became THAT consistent, passionate, relentless, disciplined, and focused on those empty circles not just for an impact in health but as lives encountering JESUS. As I was running I began to pray asking for clarity. I KNOW there is a calling with what I do as a coach. I KNOW it can be an extension of THE mission and is a way to advance the gospel but could it be that it I’ve allowed it to hinder me from day to day opportunities to advance the gospel? Have my business hours stopped me from speaking to my neighbor and getting to know them? Have I had to rush home from church or any social event to work on my social media platforms when I was needed to stay and further the conversations I was in? Have I been saying no to other ministry opportunities because I don’t want to take away time from this platform as a coach?

I love Jesus. I love how gentle He is with us as His children. I felt the warmth of his heart as I was nearly hyperventilating on that run (I don’t run-worth repeating). I felt Him gently speak to me and say “Caren, coaching IS a calling for you and it IS a platform I am using through you and will continue to. You CAN reach many in my name using health as a stepping stone to deeper conversations. I am not saying leave it, I am saying give me that same effort, that same heart, that same passion, that same discipline, that same consistency, that same fire, that same joy in the mundane and unexpected opportunities that aren’t on your agenda. Give me the space to reach people through you in ways you least expect and don’t turn them down because you worry about having less hours to accomplish your other responsibilities. Learn to depend on me, fully. I can do more with your less than you can do with your more. Oh and when it comes to Luca (I use him as an excuse a lot for why I can’t do things), take him with you. You are here as an ambassador parent to represent ME as His Father and the mission I have also called Him to as well. He needs to witness it daily from his parents. So stop using him as an excuse and take him with you.”

Wow. You know, it is scary to share my heart on this subject because it can be taken many different ways. Perhaps for a minute you thought I was turning away from coaching. Not even close. If anything, it continues to be affirmed. I see now that God desires to widen our perspective to help us impact lives locally, regionally, and globally. Coaching allows me to do that and I am so grateful for that responsibility. What happened on that run is I was reminded that there is a world right outside my front door that needs the Good News and I can become so busy and caught up in my own to do list that I miss it. So while I will continue praying over homes to impact in health, there is a fire in me to daily look for opportunities to share Jesus with others boldly. We are in a race, brothers and sisters. We can’t lose sight of WHY we run. The gospel wasn't intended to stop with us but to be extended through us. That is why we run.