Learning to walk with God has been the most exciting, humbling, transforming and pruning journey. I know that what God desires most of me is that I would delight in Him and glorify Him in all I do, say and think. I have done nothing to deserve the free gift of salvation. By grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, I have been saved for HIS glory alone. And as I walk with God, the fruit I bear is evidence of my salvation.
This fruit (fruit of the Spirit) is impossible without the work of the Spirit in me and my one important task—to stay attached to the Vine.
When Jesus said “Abide in Me” in John 15 it indicates that there is a real danger of not abiding in Christ. Abiding is a continuous connection to and dependence on Christ; it is not a one and done occurrence. Once I follow Jesus, my union with Christ is established however my abiding in Him CAN be interrupted and if it is (because I detach—He never moves) sin follows.
Friends I am here today to share with you the area of my life I have struggled to abide: motherhood.
The area I desire to be the aroma of Christ most is my own home—as a wife and as a mother. And yet, it seems to be the hardest.
Honestly this past week was an extremely challenging week in the mom department. I know being a mom is not my identify but simply another channel I get to live out my identify as God’s child and be able to glorify Him and make Him known.
I have to say that these last 4 years have proven that motherhood (after marriage) for me are the primary training grounds where the Holy Spirit is doing a lot of revealing and healing.
Many days I feel like an inadequate mom. I am not patient enough. I am not gentle enough. I am not fun enough. I am not selfless enough.
I get stuck in this downward spiral of pride only it’s the low esteem side of pride. But ,it’s pride nonetheless because the focus is all still on self; myself.
Rather than focusing on the Lord, what He has done and desires to do in me and through me, I take the enemy’s bait and go down a road of pity parties, anger, resentment and discouragement.
The enemy tries to convince me that I wasn’t made for this, that I’ve messed up one too many times, that I’ve ruined my child, that I shouldn’t even try to change and that I shouldn’t try to have more children.
The lies are loud and if my guard is down for just a moment, I believe them. That is very dangerous because our beliefs precede our behavior. So when thoughts such as these become my core beliefs, my actions follow…I numb out, I isolate and I try so so hard to fix everything by my strength (which never works). Worst of all, I tune out the voice of God.
But this week, I heard the Lord speak. In His kindness, gentleness, goodness and grace, He whispered over me: “I know your weakness. I made you and I know you. Remember, Luca is not yours. I gave you Luca to you and Graham. You didn’t make Him by your hand; I gave him to you knowing your weakness. There is nothing you can do to thwart my plans for him. What you must learn to do is rely on my wisdom, my strength, my presence, my Spirit and my Word. Walk with Me.”
God’s voice is not condemning, shaming or belittling. It is the Voice of TRUTH. While I am a mom to Luca I am God’s CHILD first and there were attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that needed correction. The beautiful thing about our Father is that He knows where to start—the heart and the mind.
And then came these words: “Every time you look at your son, rejoice and be grateful for I am using him as one of the primary tools to bring about YOUR transformation.”
Woof. Read that again. Friends, God’s highest priority will always be our transformation and that we become more like HIM. That’s the Holy Spirit’s role for He is radically Christ-centered and aims to use all things and all people to reveal what is in us and make us more like Christ.
Sanctification is an ongoing journey of growing in holiness and Christ-likeness. Rather than resisting, resenting or running from hard people and hard things in our lives we can rejoice because we know these things reveal our measure of faith and are opportunities to partner with the Spirit in living out the new creation we are because of what Christ did on the cross.
I am learning to walk with God; to trust Him and lean not on my own understanding. I know this journey of walking with Jesus is one that includes a complete destruction of self reliance and let me tell you, motherhood especially is where I need my self-reliance to be destroyed.
God-reliance (abiding), God-sufficiency (contentment) and GODfidence (identity) are key for me to become a mother that brings the aroma of Christ to her home and truly everywhere.
So to my momma friend out there: if you find yourself weary, lost, defeated and discouraged, remember t’s not about googling the top tips to be a good mother. It’s not about trying harder. It’s not about shaming yourself into change.
Instead, focus on what Jesus has already done on the cross. Because of His costly sacrifice, we are free; free to talk to Him anytime, anywhere and about anything. Free from the guilt of sin. Free from fear. Free to receive His grace.
Let us choose run to the Gospel > Google for our parenting and every day life. Let us consult God before we consult people. Let us lead with humility and a heart of service like Christ did. And when we fail, let us be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s gentle conviction that calls us UP and humbly run to Jesus right away to confess and repent KNOWING that His grace is sufficient. Romans 8:1 reminds us that “there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
I am learning that walking with God can’t be compartmentalized. God doesn’t do partial transformation. He wants our WHOLE heart not our performance. Only when our whole heart is His and we are walking with Him (abiding) can there be real transformation in our behaviors.
Walk with Him friend and remain in Him. He is using all things (that includes your kids) to bring about a healing work in YOU first. Let Him.
How can I pray for/with you?