I’ve been thirsty. It took me some time to realize it. I just chalked it up to being tired. The enemy had me fooled for a while. Convinced and deceived that it was just normal exhaustion, I tried to quench soul thirst with worldly solutions like: more coffee, a break from the “mom hat,” sleeping in, another movie…you get the picture.
None of it worked. The only way to quench soul thirst is to drink from the well that never runs dry. I needed Living Water and to realign myself with the presence of God, His Word and His promises.
2020 is a year of big decisions for our family. My husband is an anesthesiologist (specializing in pediatric anesthesia) and this is his final fellowship year. What hospitals do we apply to? Where do we want to live? Now more than ever we need to seek Him daily to hear HIS voice and follow where HE leads.
No wonder the enemy has been attacking so HARD lately. Satan hates it when we draw closer to God and will do whatever he can to distract us, shift our gaze, and convince us that self reliance is the answer.
Greg Ogden once shared how the enemy has four usual tactics when it comes to warfare: Temptation, accusation, deception and direct attacks.
In this case, temptation to compromise certain things and direct attacks on my sleep have been his primary weapons against me.
It is wise to sit down and pay attention to where and how the enemy tends to attack you. You can't defeat him if you don't pay attention to his usual patterns and study yourself. Satan can't see your future. He is not God. What he does do is study your history and he learns from your mistakes (even if you don't). In order to pin him down, we need to be willing to recognize where we are vulnerable, not fully surrendered to the Lord, and have Jesus as an add on rather than the foundation.
I should know by now that with warfare, prayer, praise, and leaning into God’s presence are to be my primary weapons and my first step not last resort. But I struggled.
I let my emotions rule over me. I numbed out in the warfare. I convinced myself that I can just get to it later. Side note: The moment you know the enemy is attacking, don’t delay resisting him. Do it immediately, GODfidently, persistently, boldly and with God’s Word as your Sword.
I let my emotions lead the battle and I kept losing. I began compromising certain things that I knew left me spiritually dull and even more vulnerable to the enemy.
Compromise can be a wonderful tool in earthly relationships but when it comes to our walk with God it's dangerous because it spreads. Once we compromise in one area, we are more likely to compromise in another.
“Well, maybe I’ll watch this show. It’s not as bad as some others.”
“Well, maybe I’ll just sleep in today, I can talk to God later.”
“Well, maybe I can just entertain this in my daydreaming but I won’t actually act on it.”
Compromise is often the enemy's more subtle approach to take our gaze off of Christ. Small seeds of compromise may look harmless and yet it starts this slow and less obvious process of starving our faith and weakening our spirit.
The Holy Spirit reminded me of what Jesus said in Matthew 5:29-- "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away." Seems extreme and yet I now understand what Jesus was saying. If there is something I KNOW will trip me up and distract me from Jesus being my supreme treasure, why would I dare compromise and take that risk?
Speaking of the Holy Spirit...some good news. We are not alone. When you surrender your life to Christ, He gives you His Spirit and the Holy Spirit is radically Christ-centered. As soon as we begin to compromise Jesus being our supreme treasure, the Holy Spirit begins to convict us with love and truth. He calls us UP because we were made for more than compromise. He reminds us who and more importantly WHOSE we are.
With all the compromise I’ve allowed in the last week, it left my soul downcast, my flesh weary, my spirit thirsty and my mind anxious.
I know the answer. The answer is Jesus. I need Him. As Natalie Grant says in her new album, His presence is my weapon. I went to sleep on Friday night praying “I am willing, Jesus. I am willing to meet with You… really meet with You. Please help me show up.”
Suddenly, at 3am my son wakes me up because he sneezed. Ya’ll. No joke I literally was arguing with God about His idea of a good time to meet.
3AM?!?!?
I knew it was Him because I was awake. Like….totally exhausted, eyes burning, continuously yawning but can’t seem to fall asleep kind of awake.
After 40 minutes (yeah I know), I finally got up. I was preparing to lead our Spirit Strong Saturday zoom bible study for our Wellness HIS Way Studio (faith based wellness community) at 6:15 and wondered what God and I would talk about for the next 2.5 hours.
Guess where He had me start? Worship.
I found out Natalie Grant did a live concert of her newest album and I actually watched some of it that same Friday night. It was what led me to pray the prayer, “I am willing, Jesus. I am willing to meet with You… really meet with You. Please help me show up.”
She shared her story about needing to be realigned with God’s presence and He spoke right to my heart. All that fatigue, restlessness, sadness, anger…I was misaligned. My walk with God was becoming an add on rather than the foundation and the Holy Spirit was getting my attention quickly (for which I am so so grateful).
So I began my morning in one hour of worship and praise listening to the full concert, praying, praising and meeting with my Heavenly Father.
I then opened my bible to Psalm 42:4-8 in The Passion Translation.
“So I speak over my heartbroken soul, ‘Take courage. Remember when you used to be right out front leading the procession of praise when the great crowd of worshipers gathered to go into the presence of the Lord? You shouted with joy as the sound of passionate celebration filled the air and the joyous multitude of lovers honored the festival of the Lord!’
So then, my soul, why would you be depressed?
Why would you sink into despair?
Just keep hoping and waiting on God, your Savior.
For no matter what, I will still sing with praise, for living before his face is my saving grace!
Here I am depressed and downcast.
Yet I will still remember you as I ponder the place where your glory streams down from the mighty mountaintops, lofty and majestic—the mountains of your awesome presence.
My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love.
Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract.
Yet all day long God’s promises of love pour over me.
Through the night I sing his songs, for my prayer to God has become my life.”
My soul began to awaken. Though my body was tired from such an early rise, my spirit was being strengthened and my hope, joy, and peace were being restored.
I heard the Lord say something so beautiful to me that I wanted to share here. He said to me "The same way it only took Peter a moment to sink because he shifted his gaze from Me to the storm, it only takes a moment for you to stand when you shift your gaze from the storm to Me."
Are you sinking? Drowning? Surviving? Jesus offers true rest (check out Psalm 62). He is our Living Water. He wants you to experience His presence for REAL. But we have a responsibility. WE must make room for the presence of God in our lives. Not even just make room, but give Him our whole heart. That’s what He want—not your performance…your heart. Put an end to the compromise (you know what areas compromise exists).
And when, like me, you're faced with difficult decisions, call on God before going anywhere else. Cling to God's promises. Give Satan NO room for his lies, seeds of doubt, self sufficiency, and compromise.
Sing.
Praise.
Pray.
Weep.
Write.
Walk with Him.
He is calling you closer. He didn’t move. He didn’t leave you. He didn’t abandon you. He is near. He is waiting. He loves you.
